You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
