I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
