Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
