eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
