Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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