when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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