She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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