found the other keg... it's in the tree
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
