true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
