I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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