so explain again why im purple
no
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
