I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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