I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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