you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
