whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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