do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
