at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
