sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
