I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
