Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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