apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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