You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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