...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
