Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
