Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its about making memories worth repressing
please come you make the beer taste better
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
