I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
