Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
