So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
