so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
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I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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