I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
