i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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