I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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