guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
