I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
