I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
