from now on my penis is your penis
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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