the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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