someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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