BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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