thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
