you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
