Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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