You're so nebulous sometimes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
