so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
