You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
people are starting to question the shark bite story
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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