they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
