Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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