if i can run in heels then i can drive
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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