fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
