i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you would pick up someone in the library
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
