I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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