He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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