I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
