Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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