my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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