she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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