Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
