I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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