cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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