we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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