his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize