do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
