i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
