No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
